Traveling is fun so you think? Kindly take time for my angry and pessimistic version on traveling. Profanities included. You start off on spending some time packing, some people take alot of time, while others maybe like me is quicker. Then two hours before your flight you leave for the airport. You curse once if it's a tough morning flight, twice if it is a morning flight and caught in the traffic. Despite all the frequent traveling, you’ll probably forget to pack something when you get to the airport.
At the airport you struggle with the checking in – they tell you the plane is full when you request to be seated next to an empty seat. You try your luck with an aisle seat and they tell you they will try their best. Of course when you board, the plane is half empty and every motherfucker is seated next to an empty seat except you. In the throne smack right in the middle. You struggle with the waiting. Waiting is a form of dying, but worst. Except when you die, you don't have to wait ever again. You struggle with the security checks – now they want you to remove your laptop, your watch, your belt, your mobile phone AND your shoes. They conviscate your overpriced mineral water you just took two sips from. Then you roll your eyes during the boarding. People behave as if they’ll not get a seat. Ok so you board the aircraft. Now you have to deal with all the wanks on board. The retard who encroaches into your personal space, elbows your ribcage. The idiot in front who reclines his seat as you eat your shitty airline meal. The asshole next to you who burps, belches, hiccups, farts and smells like a garbage chute. The little bastard behind who enjoys kicking the back of your seat. His parents should have just used a condom and not bring hell on society. The mostly ugly cabin crew members – some with the wayang makeup and some as fat as cows bursting out of their Pierre Balmain uniforms – with the phony accents who prefer to serve the ang mohs. You get the "I'll get back to you sire" treatment. Kanninah. The bimbo who spends hours in the toilet and doesn’t how to flush, leaving her bloody, soiled tampons as a biology class exihibit. I am not complaining, the world’s perfect except for its inhabitants. When you touch down, you’ll head to the immigration but you probably have to walk a very very very very long distance before you reach it. Think Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi you literally have to drag yourself till your balls drop. (If you're female otherwise insert some random female anatomy) There at the immigration, a long line greets you. When you finally cleared immigration, there’s the luggage to deal with. You start praying when you luggage takes a little more than 15 mins to come to sight.
Now, out of the airport, pimps, dishonest money changers, touts and hustlers of all stripes confront you. You then make your way to your hotel and get caught in some of the worst traffic jams in the world – Bangkok, Jakarta, HCM, Manila – take your pick. (Last time in Manila, I touched down at 1:45pm but only managed to get to the hotel at 5:40pm! 4 freaking hours.) You arrive at the hotel only to find that they don’t have the room you requested for – they put you in a stale cigarette smelling non-smoking room with a single bed on a low floor next to the lift lobby. The moment you’ve checked in, you iron your shirts. To those 'experts' who advise travelers to hang their clothes in the bathroom with hot water running – the trick doesn’t work at all, wrinkled clothes cannot be “ironed out” by steam this way. Fuck you.
After ironing your clothes, you are hungry. So you order room service for food that cost ten times the price compared to those being sold at the food court in the neighboring mall. You go to bed sleeping on an uncomfortable pillow while some horny couple next door trashes about in the throes of ecstasy, their noisy fucking complete with moans and groans traversing the thin walls, causing you to phone housekeeping for earplugs, which they don’t have of course. The next day you go to visit a customer who hardly speaks english, donkey stubborn and you start communication in sign language. Ah, the romance of a traveling job! And that’s only day one. You have one week of this shit. (:
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